**_______Show me how to love like You have loved me

2007-07-25T15:34:00.000+08:00

i think i have never ever felt so down since a long long time. and it has always been the same issue bothering. i really really have come to a place that i feel so exasperated and eshausted. totally do not know what else can i do to salvage the situation. i try not to rely on human strength. i know He's perfecting love in me. but still, its tough. it's tough fighting this battle. this never ending battle. every ounce of muscle inside of me is crying out to give up. to let go. at the end of the day, what has this gotta do with me? i so want to take the easy way out and just heck care about everything. but broad is the way that leads to destruction. i know i can't take the easy way out. i don't want to. i don't want to be so easily defeated. yet its so difficult going through the narrow gate, only to be left tattered and torn.

life is full of controversies.

life is full of contradictions.

2007-07-19T10:25:00.000+08:00

woOo.. im so bored in office now, waiting for my colleague to come and give me work to do. AND i have forgotten to bring my phone, so there's nothing else i can play with except for my dear lappie. AND my bible which is inside my phone is gone too =(
hmmm. really feel that we are in a season of God wanting to do a mightier work and pour out His Spirit unto us. Only that we have to ask, and we will receive. Really excited at what God is going to do this coming sem. Somehow God has put faith in me to see the more exciting things that He will do. But i know i also struggle with the problem of boldness. i can't explain why but it's just like that. perhaps i need a renewed mind in this area ba. and still learning how to just flow in His Spirit.
seriously i don't know how much will it work. i hope it does. i pray it does. really need so much divine intervention because out of human strength nothing can be achieved. and how limited is my human love. Pst Che Ahn is right. we need to be so continually filled by the Spirit so that we will not reach a point whereby we've become so dry. and God made me realize how important it is to intercede for her. If it pains me even to see someone fall away, what more God, Who is the creator of all and loves us all with a love that cannot be compared to anything else on earth. It is now time to stand in the gap and fight a battle that even the person involved does not know. I know it will cost tremendously to do so. But i guess the bottomline is: as long as i am willing, it does not matter how much it will cost.

2007-07-03T10:14:00.000+08:00

all of a sudden i feel so much like penning down my thoughts. recently they have been so overwhelming that i can't seem to figure out exactly what they are. but something really touched me at the last cell meeting. that genuineness of care and concern. that selflessness of giving of oneself. that openness of heart. i think it is really what we all lack. not to say it's to compare. but i just feel that there has to be something more than just being superficial. there has to be more of giving of self. beyond obligation. beyond what is ought to be done. above all, just to do certain things because one wants to bless. but somehow in the midst of lamenting and asking God why, i guess He is teaching me to see certain things that are hidden. Things which may not be visible as of yet but God sees the potential in each of us. It is really to learn to see that beautiful side of everyone, instead of just complaining about one another. To see what He sees in each of us. And it is so true that when a person is willing to give of himself or herself unconditionally, it is really contagious. Then others will want to give also. Such an amazing truth. So, who is willing to be that first one???? It's never gonna be easy to take that first step, but... i think it's worth it. =)

well, and God is really teaching me how to manage my time. It has never occurred to me this way but giving of oneself includes time as well. perhaps the most precious thing one can give unto another is time. I'm really learning to spend less time on what I want to do and what God wants me to do. There are just so many burdens about certain people and things in my heart that i seem to take them so lightly and chuck them aside in my heart. In the end i end up missing what God wants to do through me and what He is speaking in that particular season.

2007-03-29T03:08:00.000+08:00

woHoo.. here i come blogging again!! hahaha its been really a long long time since my last entry. all thanks to my laziness.. =p

love love love. i really do not want to love with my own strength. i do not know what else to do. what to think. what to say. what to ask for. God, help me!! i so want to cast away my own desires and needs. but every inch of my carnal self is rebelling against me. well, however, i have confidence that i would have victory over this one day. just as Christ have victory over death. i just need to pray. pray. and pray.

2006-11-24T00:42:00.000+08:00

random

it's been ages since i've blogged. im so sorry to those who come to read my blog once in a while (if there's any.. haha), hoping to find something new, something exciting, something interesting down here. oops. im so sorry =/hehe.

finally finished 4 papers!!!! left with one last paper. all the way!! woooh. for some strange reason i totally have no mood to study now. though im left with my only closed book exam and its not supposed to be an easy module. hahaha. i jus feel so much like blogging. going back to the old times when i blog and sort out my thoughts at the same time.

just watched superstar. and my official new crush is daren!! haha. he's sooo cute lo. i love his dimples. watch out for his performance next week k??!! lol. when was the last time i had a crazy crush? think it was j1. *sheepish smile* (my classmates will know who it was) sometimes its really good to have some random crushes. it helps u forget about some reality about certain stuff. reality is, perhaps, always cruel. hahaha. and its really funny to see people you know on tv being a star. it makes me rethink about the stage im at. its like, wah, i've reached the time when people can become popstar leh!! and its quite funny also to see dhs people down there, cox people's perception of us has always been: eeeks, arent they all nerdy and only know how to study meh? hahaha. well, dawn and angie proved them wrong. hereby wishing all the best to dawn and diya as well!! jiayou wor!! i will support you guys! =)

was reading my old old entries. i always liked reading what i wrote. it made me realize how much i've changed over the years. u mean i was like that in the past? how dumb? haha i will always wonder to myself. its really really amazing how God changed me over this one year. i think change is an understatement. the word should be transform. circumstances which i go through, now im beginning to see each and every one of its purpose. its an amazing God whom i serve. =))

what's the funniest thing that can happen in a hostel room? when one fell asleep while studying at her table cross-legged, and attempted to shift to her bed. then she realized she cant even feel her legs and they jus couldnt support her tiny body, and she fell and tripped over her bed. lying right on her porcupine. thank God for the porcupine. she could have fell on the floor with a concussion or something. yes, that's me. totally dumb. and i realised i sprained my ankle after that. just great. =/

2006-08-27T01:16:00.000+08:00

我喜欢中文，真的真的很喜欢中文，更想念在语特写中文、读中文的日子。没有一种语文，能像它一样贴切表达我的所思所想。最近终于有机会再度接近中文，虽然与久违了的它有点生疏，但仍非常高兴。这不禁让我对自己的抉择重新考虑，在喜好和现实中，就如许多城市人一样，我选择了后者。然而，这对我而言却不是一般人所谓的现实。因为，我的现实是最现实不过的现实了。这是一个讽刺的世界。不久后，人们就会发现，你们所认为的现实，却不是真正的现实。
那，最现实不过的现实是什么？
它叫真理。

这更是一个奇怪的世界。一大堆人停留在虚幻的“现实”中，而真理就在他身旁他却把它搁置在一旁。可能他们喜欢成为汪洋中的孤舟，毫无方向的漂浮，抱着侥幸的心理希望终有一天能漂到终点。
然而，它到底要到哪儿？
不知道。
这是它想要去的地方吗？
不晓得。
但是，人与舟不同。
人，有选择的权利。

2006-08-27T00:59:00.000+08:00

广岛之恋词曲张洪量

你早就该拒绝我不该放任我的追求
给我渴望的故事留下丢不掉的名字
时间难倒回空间易破碎二十四小时的爱情
是我一生难忘的美丽回忆
越过道德的边境我们走过爱的禁区
享受幸福的错觉误解了快乐的意义
是谁太勇敢说喜欢离别只要今天不要明天眼睁睁看著
爱从指缝中溜走还说再见
不够时间好好来爱你早该停止风流的游戏
愿被你抛弃就算了解而分离不愿爱的没有答案结局
不够时间好好来恨你终於明白恨人不容易
爱恨消失前用手温暖我的脸为我证明我曾真心爱过你
爱过你爱过你爱过你
越过道德的边境我们走过爱的禁区
享受幸福的错觉误解了快乐的意义
是谁太勇敢说喜欢离别只要今天不要明天眼睁睁看著
爱从指缝中溜走还说再见
不够时间好好来爱你早该停止风流的游戏
愿被你抛弃就算了解而分离不愿爱的没有答案结局
不够时间好好来恨你终於明白恨人不容易
爱恨消失前用手温暖我的脸为我证明我曾真心爱过你
爱过你爱过你爱过你

to the passer-by..........

2006-08-14T00:37:00.000+08:00

just realized it's been more than a month since i've updated. but well, life is still the same old stuff, so nothing much to write also. except for the fact that i am finally done with all my camps. yes! so time to focus on studies again!!~ *sigh* but one thing that is worthy to note is that my OG won the best OG!! hahah. though i don't understand why but.. TROIKA u rocks!! =D

it has also been more than one month since reality had hit me so hard. almost knocked me down but thank God that i was able to stand again. =) it was easier than i thought. well, yet i know it is going to be another test in the coming semester. test of my patience. test of my love. test of my longsuffering. many things are more than a coincidence. i feel like crying out to God and stop Him from making it happen. but i know, He must have His reasons, and all i ever need to do - is to obey. and that is when my frustration stops and no longer taking things into my own hands. for i know, God is in control.

certain things are getting on my nerves. from experience i know what it all means. there is this curious part of me that wants to know the truth so much. however, it will only put myself in a more difficult position even if i know. so i guess i better heed my friend's advice and pretend that nothing has happened before anything actually happens, if there is any.

2006-07-07T11:31:00.000+08:00

so many things have happened within this 1 week, so overwhelming. seriously speaking, a lil bit too overwhelming for me to take. but well, what choice have i got? yah, it is always hard to accept the fact when the reality sinks in. when the thing which you are most afraid of has happened. not that im dumb or what, just that i kept avoiding thinking about it. perhaps it is good that God is knocking some sense into me. i do need Him to constantly do that to wake me up. now that i've woken up, i see no point in trying all ways and means to mend this friendship anymore, or even to keep it. yah, xiong was right. sometimes i really am too nice. there has to be a limit yah? i guess so. i think i've reached my limit already.

i feel upset for him that he's gone back to his old sinful ways. its just like a leopard never changes his spots. his foundation was never rooted in rock but sandy ground, that's why when wind and storm come he stumbles and falls. it breaks my heart to see a person once being renewed by Christ fall away. and it breaks God's heart even more.

i dont understand these people, really. they have a chance to live a better live yet they reject it. well, yah, it's their choice.

2006-05-27T00:53:00.000+08:00

wOohO~ feeling rather shack now, spent the whole day (almost =p) at Pumpfest '06. haha. though i wasn't in the main committee and most of the time was just standing and walking around, looking after the participants in the isolation area, it sure is tiring too! hiaks. well, it is my first time at a bouldering competition, and it is definitely an eye opener. i didn't know that bouldering can be such an exciting event as well. hahah. at least to me. and the best thing is: one of the participants is this little boy who used to be my co junior at dhs, he is now in tjc rock climbing team and he ranked first in the novice men category!! when i watched him climb i was like, woah woAh!! he's good man!! *impressed* haha so proud of him!! =)

As i see those participants' faces brimming with passion when they talked about climbing, it reminded me so much of you. you used to spend hours talking to me about climbing terms and techniques that sounded like Greek to me. spending 4 days a week training out in the sun was just peanuts to you, and you can't seem to have enough of climbing. you were so proud of your tan and you always had to haolian to me that you were finally more tanned than i was. -_-'' perhaps it was a blessing in disguise that you couldn't make it to the school you initially wanted. i had always thought that you would make a good leader, but those teachers in our school didn't even give you a chance. until now i still can't believe that they actually accused you without having any evidence. you know i was so happy for you when i knew your leadership was being recognised in your school. finally things were turning a lil better in your life. but that was also the last healthy year of yours. you simply loved your rock climbing team. you couldn't wait for me to get to know every single one of your committee member. you kept telling me how pretty your vice-chairman was, how zai your secretary or treasurer was, and blah blah blah.. haha. so maybe i looked like i was interested in girls to you? then suddenly, i wondered how it would be if you were there at the competition. haha. i sure would be cheering even louder than those jc girls man~~ and i realized, i have never seen you climb. so many competitions that you went to, i didn't even go for a single one. i can imagine you hanging on the wall, swinging from tile to tile. i want so much to be there supporting you, crying out your name, cheering you on. and i can practically see that spastic smile on your face when you finish a route.

i missed those days when you always called to complain to me about scouts, your rock climbing problems, and the girl you liked. i missed those days when there was someone who remembered to buy gifts for me wherever he went. i missed those days when i received a big heart-shaped cushion on Valentines' Day. i missed those days when we used to hug before each of your operations. i missed those days when we held hands beside your bed until you fell asleep, and I would squeeze yours to comfort you cox i knew you were actually feeling so scared deep inside. but you were always putting on a brave front not to make us worry. i felt so helpless when i saw your health deteriorate day by day, i wished i could be the one lying on the bed instead of you.

it was funny that so many people had mistaken two of us as couple. perhaps it is really hard for others to understand, but i do believe that platonic love exists.

yes, my friend, i love you.

2006-05-13T01:56:00.000+08:00

时间能冲淡一切
有些事情
你想用手去抓住
在一瞬之间
却消失得无影无踪
又有些事情
你不想抓住它
它却死缠难打
紧紧地抓住你不放
时间就是主谋
时间能让人忘记想要记住的
时间也能让人记住想要忘记的
用时间去冲淡一切
多可笑
到底是想要记住
还是想要忘记
时间让我觉得做了场梦
美妙的梦
梦是真实的
还是梦而已
时间
早已让我分辨不出
现实与梦
或许只是
一
线
之
差
罢了...

2006-05-13T01:19:00.000+08:00

it's bad that i tend to miss out things around me. all the while i know about the fact that they are building an IKEA in pasir ris. but it was only few days ago that i realized this IKEA's location is at a place where i can't possibly miss out. since that place is where the bus which i take home will always pass by. and i take that bus almost every other day. i was so amazed that i didn't see it all these while. then suddenly it reminded me that there are things which God wants to do in my life, but because i wasn't always 'tuning in' to listen to Him or being distracted or any other reasons, i miss them out. i was so afraid. i no longer want to miss out the things which God wants to accomplish through me anymore. there is only one timing for each thing. if you miss it, you miss it for life. well, i hope it's not too late to realize it now =/

ok. back to my holiday life. haha. just came back from 3D2N genting trip with ben and angie. i have to admit that the theme parks there really need some upgrading. except for the flying coaster and maybe the corkscrew, the rest are really nothing much. lol. and thank God it stopped raining in the late afternoon on the second day, if not we will really be disappointed that we couldnt't get to play at the outdoor theme park at all since it started raining in the early noon. hmm. also discovered some interesting facts about guys and hotels. lol. or maybe i should say bennett and hotels. i shall not generalize nor say too much here. i don't want threats anymore =p oh. i forgot to mention that the second night we got so high because we were all so bored that.. haha.. angie and i did some 'fun' stuff.. wahaha.. when will we ever get so high again?! =D

there is something which i have been wanting to do yet have no courage to. hmm. or maybe, i no longer see the point in doing it like what my dear friend has reminded me. but, well, since i have prepared every other thing that i need, it seems like a waste if i don't do it. if doing it is not going to change anything then what is the point of doing? hmm. true. but if i don't do it how i know it will not change anything?

2006-05-01T23:16:00.000+08:00

ok. exams finally have ended. but for some reason it's a weird feeling that i am having. yes i am relieved that i no longer have to stuff in chunks and chunks of info and cramp them inside my tiny brain. at the same time after exams also mean to say reality is setting in. not as if i was not facing reality all along, but still, i know that somehow the holidays is going to make a difference. things will change and it all depends on my response to them. i don't know how different things are going to be but i guess i just have to leave them for God to decide. the last thing that i want to do is to disobey Him. just pray that He will continue to speak to me as time passes by and make things clearer as to how they should be.

indeed it is a season of breaking. i want to experience that broken-ness in my life and be made whole again by God. and it is going to take a whole lot of yieldings to have that complete broken-ness. pray hard that i will not be lost in the middle of all these. i want to see how God sees me as a person. sometimes we like to limit what God can do with our finite brains and mindsets, little do we realize that He is the almighty One who made heaven and earth, who made the whole galaxy and mankind, what is it that we should limit Him with our limited minds? i am looking forward to what God can do beyond what i am able to think.. God, You are able..

2006-04-19T01:56:00.000+08:00

some things which a friend whom i haven't been in contact for so long said just struck a chord in my heart. haha. it's weird how some old friends can still guess what's on your mind after not talking for so long. i'm impressed. lol. he asked me not to give up so easily. maybe that was me in the past. things which were so dearly to me i won't let go easily. i will still hold on to it until i can't hold it anymore. but right now.. i don't see the point of holding on. it's kinda silly, thinking back, to even hold on to certain things which were never meant to be.

it's weird that when people grow older, certain things seem to have lost their meaning. you start to feel sick when the same things keep happening to you. i don't know if it's just me or what. tired. is the only word to describe how i feel. i'm tired and drained. God, give me the strength and courage to carry on...

2006-04-11T02:00:00.000+08:00

woOoOh~ its time to mug again. it's kind of irritating to think of having to be buried in books after 3 months of school. 3 months?! it was only one term back in secondary school. now that i have to fully grasp everything and go for exams! madness! sigh. who says university is easier one? Who??!! but well, the thought of another 3 months of holidays probably compensate everything.. hahah. looking forward to it already.. =D

just had two wonderful meetings with Heidi Baker, a woman of God who fully lays down her life for God. the compassion of Jesus that she has for the poor is really admirable. more importantly, i feel that it is really a season of lifting eyes off ourselves. just as what God has been speaking to me for the past few weeks. it just confirms what God has spoken forth. of course it is not easy. it requires plenty of yieldings and humblings and breakings in our lives. it is not easy. but we all need to come to this place. to care less about ourselves. what we want in our lives. what we need for our lives. or even what we want to achieve. instead, to cry out to God, what is it that the world needs? indeed the fields are ripe for harvest; but the labourers are few. we seriously need to step out of our comfort zone, and attend to the needs of this world. and it all starts with a small step at a time.

i want to empty everything inside of me Lord, that You may fill me with Your Spirit.

2006-04-06T01:50:00.000+08:00

昙花一现
美好的事物往往像昙花
短暂、不能长久
一年多前的我深深地感受到这一点
没想到的是一年多后的我再次有所感触
只是这次不如上次的苦涩
却多了一丝无奈与失落
难道要抓住美好的事物真的是遥不可及吗
不
凡是属神的都会长久
凡不是属神的无论有多美好
终有该放手的一天

thank You Jesus.

2006-03-19T22:46:00.000+08:00

"rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks, for this is the will of Jesus Christ for you." - 1 thess 5:16-18

yes indeed, thank God for everything that He has revealed to me. things which i would never want to admit if not for the things which happened. definitely they are no coincidence. it was God who interceded. it was God who loves me so much that He has preserved me and protected me. God, i thank You. Your grace is amazing. it is beyond the comprehension of man. What is it of man that we should place our trust in them? man are just small and frail and weak. we fall into temptations easily. but God, You are the only One who is unchanging. i place my trust in You and You alone......

in this, i also wanna thank all those who were there for me all this while. who rushed down in cab to talk to me. who listened to me. who supported me. who smsed me to see if im fine. who gave me encouraging words. =) THANK YOU!!!!

2006-02-20T01:28:00.000+08:00

woah.. had a good heart to heart talk with my shepherd just now. hmmm. it was really one of the rare chances whereby we talked about so many things.. church, cell group, relationships, friends.. it was such a blessed fellowship. =) learnt so many things today, through talking to her, as well as my first day as an usher in church! heh. i guess its really God's way of maturing me. He wants me to lift my eyes off myself and to show more care and concern to people around me. to be always so sensitive to their needs and wants, not only my own or people whom i am closer to. there is this need for me to be less self-centred. to open up myself more to other brothers and sisters-in-Christ. yes, i shall ask God to put in my heart the renewal of mind in this area. i really need to be constantly reminded so that i will not forget so easily, and really be determined to be changed totally.

2006-02-15T01:59:00.000+08:00

hmm. its 2 hrs past valentine's day. well, i know i have all the reasons in the world to be happy cox of this occasion, with gifts and chocs... but then i just cant shirk off this moody feeling deep inside me. its again one of those times i am having my mood swings. haha. though i rarely have them seriously speaking. but, i cant really explain how i felt. i cant explain why am i feeling so moody. why on earth am i upset. and i hate it when i feel so lost about how i feel. =/ or perhaps, i know the reasons, just that i dont want to admit it, since it is really a pretty stupid and dumb and childish thing to be upset with. wadever it is, i know i will be alright the moment i wake up tomorrow, or so i hope. *shrug*

i am really getting busy. with school work piling up each day, omc and atc preparation work to be done, hall biz mag as well as hall drama production, dont really know if i can cope with so many stuffs going on at the same time. seriously, i am getting sick of hall life. sick of all the activities that i have to do so as to stay in the same room. sick of the food at ntu. hahaha. i miss my mum's cooking!! well, i am thinking of not going to stay in hall next sem. which means i gotta travel 2 hrs to and fro every day. hai. the thought of it doesnt sound really good either. i shall see how first lah.

well, how i wish xl can be here listening to my grievances and complains right now.. its a silly thought i know. but still, i am so afraid that time will make my memories of him fade away, the last thing i want to do is to forget him.

2006-02-02T01:37:00.000+08:00

waaah.. what i just typed here is all gone!! arrghh.. stupid blogger.. now i have no more mood to write the stuff le.. will update again.. =/

2005-12-27T00:37:00.000+08:00

its been a good christmas. managed to invite yuwei, mervyn and zhiwei down for christmas outreach. haha. was really happy and surprised to see zhiwei there because i thought he didn't want to come. anyway just want to thank you guys for coming down. though the caroling *ahem* didn't turn out to be very good, but still, thanks for coming down!! you guys are great~ =)

also bangwei managed to bring vivian to come for sunday service. really happy for him. its always exciting to see friends coming to church. though salvation may not be what seems near to our friends, but i can really feel that God is doing His work among them. He's softening hearts, touching lives, going deep into souls which may have once been hurt, disappointed, upset, and healing them through His great love. their lives may not be changed instantly, but i do believe that seeds are already sown.. and i just felt that this is enough for the time being..

hmm. certain perceptions in me are slowly changing. things which i have always thought as impossible. things which have never crossed my mind that will happen to me. i thought it will only occur in drama. but when it actually comes into my life, i was really really amazed, and overjoyed. amazed at God's sovereignty. overjoyed because He has heard my prayers and knows me so perfectly well. thank You, God!! but well, i know i still need to continue to pray and not fall into the enemy's trap. to continue to listen to what God speaks to me regarding this and do according to His will. =D yes, it is not about what i want, but His will.

2005-12-18T00:56:00.000+08:00

getting more and more lazy to update nowadays. hahaha. anyway just came back from trekking at gunung datuk in m'sia few days ago. woah. it was fun!! despite the fact that it rained so heavily halfway when we were trekking up. we were really cold, tired and hungry, yet all of us persevered and finally reached the top after about 3 hours of trek. the trek was rather steep in the beginning, with the slopes of 45 and 75 degrees, but subsequently second part of the trek was more manageable. as for dinner outfield, thanks for quek, we had maggie mee, cocktail sausages and fried fish fillet!! haha it was marvellous to be able to eat such things out in the wilderness, esp when you're tired and wet and cold and hungry. =D

the next morning we went up to where the summit was. it was really something new but i really liked the natural 'rock climbing'. haha. of course not as difficult as the real rock climbing where belaying is needed but it was challenging enough. at least for me. heh. there were quite a few sections whereby if you slipped and fell, you'll really fall into the rainforest and don't even think of seeing anyone else again. yes it was that dangerous. but well i survived long enough to see the beautiful scenery. really amazed at God's work. felt that the whole world was under my feet. that heaven was so near. it was just wonderful =)

i just came back from a visit at xl's house. ate dinner with weiqi, linzhi, huafeng, lynnette and Ms Goh. had alot of fun at the dinner table because we played 终极密码 with uncle, the loser had to finish a whole bowl of fruits. haha and we played about 10 rounds yet i didn't lose a single round. amazing ya? lol. was rummaging through xl's letters in his room. found those that i wrote to him ages ago. there was this card we made ourselves when he went for his minor surgery in sec 2. still rem bangwei jacinth and wanyie came to my house to fold a bottle of cranes for him. time flies. it's been 1 and a half years since he left. i miss him. sometimes really wish that he could be here, sharing with him things happening in my life. just like what i always do. =)

nevertheless, i thank God still for bringing him into my life, though it was for a short few years, yet the impact he had on me will be with me for the rest of my life... Thank You Jesus..

2005-12-10T16:36:00.000+08:00

-bored- currently waiting for dear roomie to wake up and go home together. haha. can't believe it. we slept the whole afternoon. supposed to go army market after hanging our clothes, but seems to me that the clothes are still not done after few hrs in the washing machine. -_-'' what lousy machines the hall has.

just went for a 3 day prayer seminar with Sis Nita Johnson. Those things that she had preached indeed are solid food, not easy to digest, but if we chew upon them, definitely there'll be great rewards waiting for us. We Singaporeans need to get out of our shell, stop thinking so much about ourselves, stop getting caught up with our lives, but spend more time in prayer for our nation. This is the only way to the salvation of our country, and our loved ones. And this needs to start with the churches; for if satan wants to ransack our nation, he will first bind the churches.

Also, I want to clarify the fact that my blog ISN'T dead. So Mr loo yuwei pls stop pronouncing my blog dead!! haha. sometimes i take longer to update, that's because I'm busy~ =P

ok guys, I'm going for a trek at gunung datuk in M'sia from 12th to 14th dec, just to inform you all in case you thought i'm missing.. hahaha

2005-11-22T01:54:00.000+08:00

wahaha. the following ish wad mr ling jiayi said i should put in my blog: "Jia Yi is always full of ideas..he makes our trip exciting......." and "Jia Yi makes our day a wonderful one with all his jokes and pranks......" wahaha. well. as to how true is that, you guys can judge lah. =D

anyway took loads of photos today. everywhere we go people stared at us strangely because of the funny pictures we took. heh. nevertheless, i have to agree with jiayi that it was fun =) shall learn how to upload photos then can let you guys admire our masterpieces. lol. (with most of them having bennett and jiayi with disgusting faces. hahaha)

and oops. sorry bennett. im sorry if i made you famous in ntu. hahaha.

ok im tired. spent lots of energy laughing today. =) laughing is really the best medicine in the world. ha ha ha

2005-11-17T23:00:00.000+08:00

finally done with my exams! yeah =) after exams went to geylang for a 'rendezvous' with angeline, jiayi and bennett. haha. don't get me wrong. it's just an eating spree cum something like an extreme gourmet, eating some stuffs that we don't normally eat, or hate to eat. well. and thanks to kenneth who bang sei us last minute, angeline and my hand have got 'tatooes' on while walking on the streets, in our jc uniforms. yes. me in hc uniform and angeline in mj's. haha. really don't know why did we ever agree to jiayi's stupid idea. all ended up wearing jc uniforms in geylang. jiayi and bennett look funny in their sajc uniform. jiayi's is oversized, and bennett looks like an ah beng ready for a fight, with shirt untucked and shirt unbuttoned. lol =P

1st stop: 和记点心. this was not in our plans but we were all starving by the time we reached geylang from boon lay. and bingo, i saw xl's aunt there. what a coincidence! she asked me 'i thought you graduated already?', then i felt so weird, cox obviously i haven't graduated from uni. few minutes later i realized she was talking about my hc uniform. gosh. she must be thinking im really weird.. lol

2nd stop: 猪杂汤. Yucks. this is something both angeline and i don't eat. and seriously, the stomach and intestines were gross. -_-''

3rd stop: durians! haha i love them, but jiayi's face changed when we reached the durian stall. haha. angeline's not any better. 9 bucks for a tiny durian??!! seriously i think they cheated us, since we were all in jc uniforms. arghh.

4th stop: 永和豆浆油条. finally tried the very famous 豆浆油条 that everyone has been talking about. by that time i was already very full, seriously. haha. then bennett ordered the hot soya bean with raw egg. eeeks. it was special, but i don't think i would want to try it again.. kek

5th stop: 二十四味凉茶. thanks to my dare for jiayi to drink it, all of us ended up struggling with one bowl of bitter herbal tea. thank God it wasn't as bitter as i thought. stopped for a good break before proceeding to the next food. was already very very full.

6th stop: 宫保田鸡. wah this dish is the nicest! the frog legs were so tender and tasty. but poor angeline, she doesn't eat frog legs!! haha anyway we forced her to eat, so she had no choice.

7th stop: 星仔臭豆腐. we walked all the way from lorong 9 to 41. saw so many *ahem* that we were not supposed to see. it was my first time to geylang at night and it was really quite an 'eye-opener'. with all the *ahem* sitting out looking for customers. so we were like walking at supersonic speed to avoid them. and guess what. bennett stopped near few of them and one asked him, "帅哥，要不要?" -disgusting- haha. we were laughing like mad when he related the incident to us. who asked him to stop?! tsk tsk. still dare to blame us after that. luckily we went with guys and wore uniforms, so think they won't dare to do anything to us. really dangerous, girls should never go there alone, or even walk behind alone with a group. when we have finally reached the place and bought the smelly beancurd, gosh, i really regretted it. the smell of it made me wanna puke. i was holding my breath while eating; angeline just dumped the whole piece into her mouth; jiayi almost 'teared' when he ate it; bennett was the only one enjoying it. and the worst thing was the after taste in your breath!! so we all ended up rushing to paya lebar mrt to look for food to get rid of the disgusting, smelly breath.

after the whole 'rendezvous' at geylang we then headed to jiayi's house for a sleepless night of movie and game. by 6 we were all knocked out and sound asleep, angeline left at about the same time too. slept for about 4 hours then went out to watch harry potter. but on our way to gv marina they accompanied me back to hc. haha. i also don't know why would i want to go back, when i was in my hc uniform. if my teachers see me they sure think im weird. but thank God i didn't see any. lol. after watching movie then went straight to celebrating my mum's birthday. phew. so it was a tiring after exam activity, very tired, gonna zzzz le, i've written long enough today. =)

nonetheless. it was a fun 'geylang rendezvous'! thanks jiayi and bennett for taking care of us. hehh. =D

2005-11-11T19:07:00.000+08:00

yeah one more paper down! one last one to go!! hah. but seriously. the stats paper today was difficult. i also don't really know what i myself was writing. just dump everything i know in. lol. kind of regretted. but 2 and a half days to study but wasted one and a half days. sighh. should really buck up nex sem. heeh.

2005-11-09T01:20:00.000+08:00

the more you don't want something to come, the more that thing is going to attack you. yes. that's what i am feeling right now. i know so well the consecration which i have made, yet it's so hard to abide by it when trials and testings come. it cannot be a coincidence, so many similiarities, such a familiar feeling. many a times, i know what i should do, but i just cannot control myself. it's all about the carnal nature within me. i know it's not going to be easy. but i have to convince myself to pass this test! but.. it's really difficult.. i have no idea how am i going to tackle this. i know i should do something to stop myself before.. sighh. i just have to depend on God's strength i guess. because by own strength i can never win this battle. i've tried it and failed terribly. so.. give me your will Lord..

2005-11-09T01:05:00.000+08:00

hmmm. ok. i am not gonna let you guys pronounce my blog dead again k. so gotta write something here. lol. last week been studying with my tutorial mates, was rather effective, despite those disgusting meal sessions when that stupid jiayi and ben made angie and i play 终极密码 and ended up eating/drinking disgusting mixtures. *puke* nevertheless, it's really been great fun mugging with you guys! haha.

well but the worse thing is, the moment we start studying mugging this week, since exams started, we've been talking non-stop, work hasn't been really very fruitful. haha. partly my fault, i have to admit, cox i really can't stop myself from talking and asking you guys dumb questions.. hiaks. last night before our OB paper we were taking photos in my room. lol. how lame can we be? then today went jiayi's house to study stats. well. ended up sleeping. can't stand it too tired. woke up and started talking again. haha. seems like we can never talk enough. hmm hopefully tmr will be better. 8 more days to end of exams!! looking forward to it.. =)

2005-10-27T19:50:00.000+08:00

It's weird when sometimes you don't even understand why you yourself feel a certain way. But that teeny weeny feeling is just bugging you everytime, as if trying to tell me that something's wrong. But, the fact is, I can't pinpoint anything that can go wrong. So, how? -sigh- I don't know. I really don't know.

2005-10-23T15:22:00.000+08:00

yeah yeah finally no more quizzes for this sem! -phew- but that also means exams are getting nearer and it's time to mug for exam! sigh. though i hate quizzes, exams are even worse. but well, who likes exams?! hahaha. two more weeks to exams, then another two more weeks of exams, and finally, havoC!! heh. can't wait for exams to be over. yeah.

看不见的，看见了。
夏风轻轻吹过，在瞬间消失无踪，
记住的，遗忘了。
只留下一地微微晃动的迷离树影 ......

看不见的，看见了。
夏风轻轻吹过，草丛树叶翻舞飞扬。
遗忘的，记住了。
乌云渐渐散去，一道柔和的月光洒落窗前 ......

《月亮忘记了》 - 几米

2005-10-20T17:35:00.000+08:00

struggles-decision-struggles-peace

it's really difficult when you're torn between the flesh and the spiritual. but i'am glad that i chose the latter. =) yes, it always pleases me when i honour Him and place Him first above all other things, even if some of these things are meant to be important to the carnal flesh. but well, i have no need for that. indeed it is a time for circumcision of my heart and mind. keep running. do things which pleases Him.

-i am nothing without You-

2005-10-16T14:07:00.000+08:00

hmm facing a dilemma now. don't know whether to go study or to sleep. lol. so decided to come update my blog lah. if not my dear friends will say my blog dying again. =p

yesterday ate mac supper with steven and roomie at can A. then stev became a 'spoilt radio' while we walk there from hall. can't believe it. kept entertaining himself on our way. he's 22 leh! seriously no one will believe lah. lol. oops hopefully he's not reading this right now. =D then stayed up the whole night to mug with roomie and chongmeng at can A. hee i felt so accomplished cox it was my first time mugging overnight. but in the end still can't stand it nap for an hr at 4 plus. woke up and realize mosquito bites all over my legs. arrghh. now still itchy. *scratch scratch* but still it was quite a fruitful time. =)

yeah and finally confirmed that we going datuk. sorry chong meng denis pang sey yal. =( mount k really very expensive leh. im broke. *sob* haha. and thanks chongmeng for the thought of lending me money. heh. yeah appreciate it. =) hopefully datuk will be fun too. hahaha. hmm with nike and jessica, shouldn't be too bad lah. hee. yay. can't wait for exams to finish.

2005-10-07T14:32:00.000+08:00

失
落

失意

失
魂

失神

失

去
.
.
.

2005-10-06T17:48:00.000+08:00

突然间
有点担心
担心你会钻牛角尖你会走进死胡同
你又是否和以前的你一样
没人能保证你仍是依旧的你
就连自己也不知晓
你选择逃避
选择一个人默默地承受一切
就连我们死党
你也不想有任何的接触
难道像我们这样的朋友
只能与你分享快乐而不能共度患难
我想说的是
无论发生什么事
无论你变了与否
我都会相信你
紧守你的身旁
因为
我
们
是
朋
友

2005-10-06T15:45:00.000+08:00

haha just realized its been quite some time since i last updated my blog. getting lazier. heh. i thought as exams draw near, i will have more time to catch up with my work. but then, it's not true. there'r still projects presentations quizzes and more tutorials!! sighh. it'r really never ending. i can't wait for my exams to finish. yeah!! 16th nov!! ok guess it's too early talking about it now.

well. but i guess i am still thankful that God has given me pleasant tutorial mates. as in those who have exactly the same timetable as me and whom i see at every tutorial. haha. yeah at least they are people i can click with. that lessens my misery quite a lot actually. to have good companions. sighh. too bad our plan to watch 'The Maid' this Fri has got to postpone, i still look forward to hanging out with them, a great bunch of people. =)

was asking roomie yesterday "will we become lesbian? we see each other 7 days a week.." haha of cox i was joking. but then it's kinda amazing that though we see each other so often, yet sometimes when the mood comes, we can talk to each other till 5+ am in the morning.. haha and that means not being able to wake up for lesson the next day.. a.m.a.z.i.n.g..

and thanks chan ho for that comment last night. know he will not be reading this but it sort of brightens my boring night -lol-

2005-09-26T16:15:00.000+08:00

-sigh- i've done sth dumb again. i just can't help but blame myself for it. it's useless to talk about it now but i'm just utterly disappointed with myself. like how brainless i can get. stupid me. whatever it is. i'm really sorry for what i've done. i promise myself this will be the last time.

why do we always have to follow what everyone else's doing? do whatever they are doing; watch whatever show they are watching; say whatever things the majority agrees on; follow the trends.. but indeed if we are like everyone else, we are likened to salt without flavour. we lost our purpose on earth. for the world is not where we belong to, but a higher and better place. we shall not be conformed by the world but be transformed to be Christ-like. hope that i will be like salt in this place which God has placed me.

2005-09-18T14:33:00.000+08:00

i know. i really have to make this consecration to the Lord this time, to completely lay it down at the altar. until one year later, or maybe two, or even three. i don't know. till He speaks to me about this again. no more excuses. i have to stay firm no matter what happens, regardless of what is said or done. no one is going to change my mind. i know it will not be easy, for this is just so unlike me. but if God can change me into who I am one year ago, he can change me into a better daughter of Christ exactly one year later. i am putting all my trust on Him. and i just want to stay focused on the Lord. and do away with all the excessive baggage.

" But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." -Mat 6:33

2005-09-12T17:17:00.000+08:00

today is an uneventful day for the four of us. everywhere we go, or everything we do, things just go so wrong. it's beyond description. i guess among all these, the worst is the weird woman we met at starbucks. zhiwei, weisheng and i were just chilling out at the sofa seats in starbucks, suddenly came this woman who sat down opposite weisheng and started mumbling to herself. like it was not bad enough, she then put her hands into her shirt and.. started doing funny things. -_-'' after some time yuwei came to join us and at the exact same moment, she stood up and grinned to herself. den we thought why was she so excited upon seeing yuwei?!! wahaha. basically the whole night we were so disturbed by her. esp poor weisheng. cox he was just sitting directly opposite her. lol.

but well. other than all the weird things we had encountered, it was nice to hang around with old friends like them. wah just realized that i have known them for six years already. hope that there will still be many more six years to come. =D it would be nice when one day, we started attending each other's weddings, visiting yuwei zhiwei merbra or weisheng as a father.. ha ha ha.. sounds exciting to me.. or them visiting me as a mother.. hmm.. idea ar.. lol

and yah. zhiwei and weisheng, thank you so much for the lovely rose! heh. really sweet of two of you. =)

2005-09-11T17:28:00.000+08:00

The Race of Life

I fell down in the race of life

It caused excruciating pain

My dreams were shattered my goals were knived

But what's to stop me to try again?

I'll pick myself up and start to run

and never rest until I'm done

I need to rush, I need to hurry

I've got a long way to close the gap

Till sweat makes my eyes all blurry

I'll not stop nor ease my step

Now I'm way behind, I've lost my lead

But I'm in line, and won't lose my head

What did you expect me to do, to sit and cry?

To bawl my eyes out until I die?

No sir no, I ain't doing that

Where I'm going I'm already late

Where does it all end, you might wonder

It's where I fall still and move not further

To let the younger stronger pass

While I fade to death upon the grass

But it's not now it's not, my time is yet to come

My journey is yet over, barely has it begun

You're running this race too, you know, this race of human life

Stop and enjoy the scenery or you'll be past in a blink of an eye

Yeah there are stones and rocks along the way

But don't we all face this every day

Choose your steps wisely or you might just stumble and fall

One wrong move and you might just lose it all

This race ain't about who comes out top

But how we run it until we stop

Take heed my friends, run like the wind

I hope we're all in the same place right at the end

it's been one yr one month and sixteen days since he left. i miss him. i miss his laughter; his spasticity; his lame jokes; his teasings; his dreams; his aspirations; his passion in rock climbing; and most importantly, his strength in God. he really did grow up a lot in faith at that point of time. It was God who kept encouraging and comforting him. even after going through months of medication, brain scans, hospitalization, one operation after another, he did not give up. he continued to praise God and worship Him, because our Lord was the One who shone on him through his darkest hours.

it hurts me dearly to see my dearest friend leave. sometimes i wish i can go with him, to that better place. or perhaps, to swap places with him. it's a silly thought, i know. but i also know that if i were the one who fell ill, he would do the same things i have done, if not more. it just wasn't typical of him to talk about the word 'love'. yet he told me he loved me as a friend. and it was only then i realized, he was so important to me. i could not bear to let go, yet i have to. i have to let him go to that better place.

one day, i believe we will meet again, in that better place... called heaven.

2005-09-10T09:51:00.000+08:00

quiz is finally over! but i don feel any excitement at all thou hols is coming. all thks to my dear fm tutor n his killer quiz. thou i expected the quiz to be hard, but nt this hard. i stared at the qn paper n feel that the qns r speaking greek to me. wad?! i don even understand the qn howta do?! since this is the result of studying might as well don study. i feel like im bak to yr 1 in hc while doing my physics paper. i was equally lost then, mabbe even worse now. -sigh- i hate his smug face after giving us the test, like it satisfies him so much to see us suffer. the worst thing is dat he kip sayin g its for our own gd. that we can be a cut above the rest. like real ar. he does that so that all of us can score As n eventually he'll get a nice review of his teachg performance. den perhaps nex yr his salary will be up till 200/hr. dunno y his previous batch of students graded him so well. when he kip haolian-ing abt himself in cls n spent 1/2 hr to run thru 3 chaps. in e end we all caught no ball at all. concept based is gd. but he cant teach for goodness' sake. rlly. or at least. i cant understand him. i miss mr chow. someone who can rlly teach. -sigh- i miss all my hc tutors.

im so so bored. waiting for dear roomie to come bak n hav dinner. ltr stil got biz mag meeting. hai. n the thot of hols nex wk is like.. its not a hols at all. so many proj, presentations to do n tutorials to catch up wif. n gotta meet up wif old frens!! =) that's sth rlly impt. how i wish i can juz put my work aside n jus meet frens everyday. lol. yeah. i WISH.

hmmm. jus gotta know nana backslided. dat ger ar. hai. dunno howta handle her sometimes. so stubborn. when is she ever going to mature n settle down? gonna find time to talk to her nex wk. but. dunno if its going to help. well. at least im one of the few pple dat she rlly listens to. pray for God's guidance indeed. cox i know i din get the job at ahs by coincidence. it was God Who leads me there. ting says im so patient wif her. dunno whr i find the patience. hah. i oso dunno. mus be frm God. cox im such an impatient person. wah. i realized im missing my ahs students. esp fiona, xiaohua, amanda, cheewee, vivian. they'r rlly a sweet bunch of kids. cheewee alwis come staff rm chit chat wif me, help me carry laptop. da gers folded a bottle of stars for me b4 i left. rlly sweet. i oni taught dem for 1 term. sometimes kinda regretted dat i din cont teachg. mabbe i should hav held on.

2005-09-09T18:36:00.000+08:00

-sigh- dis is sad. i juz got ponded agAiN. second time into nanyang lake. all thks to youyi. stupid me. should hav continued hiding in own room, y so nice go return andy his fone?! in e end i myself suffer. den hai4 roomie somemore. oops so sorry. bu shi gu yi de. =) somemore this time the water's much deeper n muddier. eeeks. ok i don wanna think abt it anymore. gross.

finally finis mugging for fm! spent da whole day studying. dunno y the 3 chaps like nv ending liddat. thou finis liao but now like cant rem ath leh. so many formula!! wad present value, future value, bond price, coupon rate, rate of return, interests, dividends....... aahhh! driving me crazy.. pray hard that God will bring me thru tmr!!

acty. he's weird. nv seen such a guy b4. i noe rlly indecisive guys lah, but soft like him.. haha rare. well somehow. i feel happy for him. feel dat this should b the way. besides being soft n all his sweet talkings, he's a rlly nice fren. a nice piggy brother, perhaps. hah.

ooh. im amazed at how my blk can spread rumours. when acty there's nth at all. faaaarnie. is this human nature? gossipy? wadeva. i live my life the way i wanna b. y should i care. -shrugz-

2005-09-08T15:25:00.000+08:00

sometimes. relationships can b rlly hateful. it can bring u so much joy n happiness when things r working well. but at other times. it juz totally sux. i noe dat feeling. dat feeling of disappointment. of waiting n waiting. in the end. it was nothing dat i was waiting for. acty. its jus not worth it. nobody is worth us spending our effort n tears liddat. ten yrs down the road. den u'll realize. how silly i was to be so upset over this person. hah. so fren, slowly let go lah huh.. u'll definitely find ur way there one. its jus a matter of time. time rlly heal all wounds. juz dat, some wounds take longer than others to heal. perhaps urs gonna take qt some time.. but pls don get angry over urself.. its nt ur fault that ur born kind n forgiving.. nth wrong wif that.. =) n i gotta tell u im most glad to know pple like u.. so forgiving even when it comes to this kinda thing.. its rlly hard nt to hate her.. yet u did it.. not many guys can do it one noe.. im proud of ya dude =)

today's accounting quiz was ez! phew. n it's rlly God's grace that brought me thru it. i din rlly noe howta do the ferst qn which accounts for 3 outta 10 marks, but anwae i juz did it according to my intuition, with no understanding n reasoning n wadsoever yet i got it right. its rlly amazing how God will reward those who put our trust in Him. though its juz a small illustration but i believe that its oso thru all these lil things in which our faith will grow. =) God is great!

hmm. i dunno y. im juz so bad at rejecting pple. was afraid that i cant cope wif the job of being the head counsellor for my hall's omc nex yr, yet when andy came up n kip asking me.. i juz.. sighh.. giv in. this is nt the ferst time lo. i wish i can b firm like peisong leh. lol. that pig ar. bangsei me lo. hmph. anyway, so i rlly hav such a bz schedule lining up in front of me. n hols is coming.. finally.. cant wait for it to come!!!! but b4 that.. stil hav one beeg fm quiz awaiting me.. sighh.. i better go mug liao.. don wanna fail me 10% quiz lo..

2005-09-06T15:29:00.000+08:00

wooah.. the ntu network is crazy! it took my comp half an hr to come to dis page. and my roomie's msn kip signing in n out. aarrgh. someone should reflect to the students' union abt this man. =(

hmm the last wk of my mid term is getting busier than i thot. within one day im now the head of my hall's drama productn. tgr wif another yr 3 senior. hah. abit unprepared leh. luckily its gonna b sth small, of cox nt as big as huangcheng lah! but stil, its my ferst time mah, don rlly hav much experience in planning a drama. oni see pple do b4. lol. but acty qt looking forward to it. it's gonna be fun!! den again, i stil gotta join some jcrc sub comm to accumulate enuff pts to stay in hall nex yr. siann. gonna b super duper bz. ++ ODAC somemore. -sigh- rlly hope dat i'll b focused enuff. n the best thing to hope for is..of cox to abolish the stupid pts system!! giv priority to pple staying far far away!! dats me!!! =D

hah. n hor. thankew u guys for leaving ur comments on my tagboard. =) rlly appreciate dem. looking forward to more!! heh.

-sigh- tmr night got cls in church + odac bbq + productn recruitment. waah i wish i can split myself into 3. somemore wed got quiz! i rlly need lotsa God's grace to bring me thru all these!! =) n i alr plan to skip OB lect tmr. hee. i noe i noe. tszshan is a bad gurl. hai. wadta do. the bad habit started in jc leh. muahahah.

kk shall go mug now. if nt tmr pon lect oso cant mug finis.

oops. juz passed midnight. hAppY bLaTed 20th biRtHdAy zHiWeI!! =)
n oso. haPpy 21st bdAY cHoNgMeNg!! =)

2005-09-04T16:24:00.000+08:00

my head is throbbing. arggh. even after slpg for 4 hrs in the afternoon. rlly dunno wad's wrong wif me. feel so sick da whole day today. im supposed to study. but. my headache is rlly killg me. i wish i can mug like how i had mugged for my A's. but im a big slacker now. totally lost my momentum. hopefully i can pick myself up soon. i sure don wanna fail my ferst 2 quizzes in uni. everything down here counts. proj, presentations, quizzes and wad hav u. -sigh-

sometimes. i rlly rlly don understand us gurls. how unreasonable n stubborn we can get when we come to r/ship. when its time to end it, den, let go lah. y stil cling on to it stubbornly. it wun make e other party feel any better lo. if u rlly luv him, u would wan him to b happy as well, right? =) den u may say. its the guy's fault. hmm. he changed. but den again. hu doesnt? well i stil think dat. when its rlly time to end, stop struggling n end well. its for the better of both of u. =)

heh. today ish my lil bro's 5th bday. happy bday hang hang!!! =))

2005-09-03T17:40:00.000+08:00

Finally!

waah.. after few hrs of staring at my lappie finally this blog is up! phew! muz rlly thank my dear roomie 4 helping me this 'blog idiot' man. haha. eeh. as to y i hav this sudden urge to create a blog. heh. cox i've been rlly bz since uni started. alwis wanted to meet up wif old frens, but rlly cant find the time to, so decided that a blog will b a gd way to kip u guys updated abt my life in ntu! lol. so pls don b mistaken dat i've forgotten abt yal k.. juz leave ur comments in my taggz abt anything under the sun and i'll go read.. =)

seriously. time flies. it seem to fly even faster when im in uni. b4 i knew it. mid term break is gonna start. and. woah. my tutorials r in a total mess. rlly need this break to catch up wif all that i've missed! -sigh- n guess wad. now dat im in uni. i rlly rlly miss my jc days. i miss everything in hc. ct bench. lep rm. having lects in lts. n most imptly, all thse familiar faces: ting, helen, jing, kianwee, biao, tsai, denzyl, boon, bingrui... hey guys. i missed ur lame jokes! missed eating lunch wif yal at chinese high canteen. the western n cai4 fan4 stores. missed those times when we rush back tgr for lects n tuts, crackin lame jokes on the way, ji xiao-ing futh (as usual). lol. n oso. how can i miss them out?! mr chow, mr teo, kapo, tiger ong, wei lao shi, su lao shi!! i think i cant thank them enuff. they'r rlly all wonderful trs! at least, i feel that to me, they'r nt oni trs, but oso frens whom we can laff wif, tok nonsense wif. (n i'll nv forget how u guys niao me in chow's car abt ruth n futh lo! we laffed thru'out our trip man! =p) nevertheless, thou the 2 yrs were short, even me myself din realize that those times had bcum such an impt part of me till i started uni n began to miss everything in the past. isnt it juz tyical of us humans?

hmm. more than a mth of my uni yr 1 has gone past. so wad hav i been doing lately?? there'r so many frens whom i wanna meet but rlly got no time, like weixiong, mollie, lydia, zhiwei, yuwei n those perc guys.. rlly wanna catch up wif u guys but.. sigh. thinking of the tuts, proj n presentations piling up in my rm, so.. sigh. better set my priority right ferst =) oops think i digressing abit. yah for those hu dunno i joined odac wif grace (my roomie =) ). well its rlly sth dat's v 'not me' but i guess i wanted to join sth diff lah. seriously don wanna b stuck in the same cca 4eva. wanna widen my scope of frens. hah n indeed i did! gotta noe alota v different pple in odac, n they'r all v nice!! rlly lo, its like a big family. so rlly glad dat i made the right choice =) n for those hu r interested, we'll b organising this Adventure Trail Challege (ATC in short) in the coming yr, it's a race wit cycling, running, kayaking n abseiling, those interested look 4 me k!!! (cox im in the organizing comm) guaranteed fun!! lol.

sighh. today's fri night. n im stil stuck in hall. cox daddy bringing fridge over tmr noon so gotta stay here. plus! tmr got proj in sch. siaaan. i got proj every other day lo. well. those guys outside r shouting n shouting. its like. 2.21am now. y r they stil so energetic? im half dead liao lo. sometimes. rlly think hall pple too 'wild'. some of dem rlly club n drink like nobody's business. eeeks. turns me off man. n oso. somehow. grace n i cant click wif my blk's gers. like. the whole bunch of dem (minus the prcs of cox) will sometimes cook supper tgr or wad, but nv asked us. haha nt that i mind lah, n they'r acty all qt nice, but stil, yah, cant click. peisong said i nv bother to mix wif dem. haha. yah la true. but i juz cant b bothered. cant i juz let nature take its course.

okk. its late le. i gotta go do some reading b4 i slp. nex wk got 2 quizzes!! 5% for acc n 10% for fm! -sighh- sian lo. n hor. all the accounting students r smarties n muggers. if i dun start muggin now. i think i'll end up as the last few percentile in the cohort!! sighh. cant stand dem..........